"same kind of different As Me"

a friend recently suggested a book to me.  It's called "same kind of different As Me"  by Ron Hall and Denver Moore.  This book was an incredibly inspirational true story involving a well-to-do, worldly, successful business man and his God seeking wife, that crossed paths with a homeless man that came up from the slave fields of Lousiana.  The lives of this couple and this man crossed at a homeless mission in bad part of Fort Worth, Texas.  The book will keep you reading on its own and you will not want to put it down until you finish.  It starts off kinda rough because its written from the perspective of Ron and then Denver, each taking turns by chapter.  Pretty cool way to put a book together and I definitely recommend this book to anyone that is looking for a good read about how God works in and through the lives of both the financial sound and the homeless.  Happy reading...

How We Came To Be...The Entire Story

God never ceases to amaze me with His sincere ability to surprise me. In all facets of my life, at one time or another, He has surprised me and sometimes in very big ways. Recently, He did it again, but let me go back several months to February.

It was February 22nd to be exact and I had a date this particular evening with a sweet girl I had met three weeks before. When I met her I did not realize that I would be talking to her more or for that matter asking her to go out, but that's not to say that I didn't want to, I just really thought that she was probably already involved with someone. After the interesting exchange of a few emails, I asked if she'd like to stop getting to know each other over email and just go out sometime and she said that would be great. So, we did.

Immediately in my mind I began to panic a bit because it had been a really long time since I had been on a date. I didn't know what to do, where to go, heck, I really didn't know how to act. When February 22nd came along I had a plan, but I was still nervous. She and I had communicated by email a few times and she told me that she was not feeling all that well that day but that she still wanted us to get together. She proposed the idea of just grabbing dinner and eating it at her house while we talked and got to know each other better. At this point, I knew in my heart that God was going before me here and knew that for whatever reason I was nervous and He was interceding to make the evening light and easy. He knew that we probably both had unfounded pressures and that by removing those pressures it would allow for us to have more relaxed evening while accomplishing what we both really wanted which was to get to know one another better without all the pressure.

We had McAllister's for dinner that night while sitting at her kitchen table. Her home was so inviting and comfortable making it easier to just relax and talk. We moved our conversation to the couch in the den later and began to share a lot of different details about our lives with each another over the course of several hours.

We spent a lot of time sharing about our own faith in God with each other, because it obviously was the most important part of each of our lives. This was awesome to hear about her love and devotion for God and His people. Her desire and participation to serve with her church in ministries like the Firehouse Shelter and her church's Feed the Homeless ministry as well as just seeing the compassion in her eyes that was evident as she talked. This was awesome to discover about her because I too share a great passion for serving and missions work.

A little later we discussed our most recent life-changing experience with each other where by God's grace and sufficiency alone was the only way either of us had made it through and this is where I feel that we both began to really see a glimpse into who each other's heart. We talked over these experiences for a long time and through listening to her talk about what she had gone through, I began to admire her more and more for her courage and trust in our Lord; that He meant everything to her and is her main priority in life. It began to get late and we wrapped it up with a hug and I was out the door.

Just to note here - that evening as well as the many times we spent together following was like the most freeing breath of fresh air to me; it was extraordinary and real and I knew right away that there was something special about her. She was so real, so open, and so easy to just be around and talk with.

Times like this went on for about 3 weeks I guess and during that time she shared her hesitance to consider getting involved because she felt that she still had some unresolved lingerings from a past relationship. I appreciated her honesty and vulnerableness about this. It was big that she would be so honest with me and I told her that I understood and would just give her space to work on this. Somewhere in the midst of this, I have to confess here that my pride stepped in and I ended up finding myself trying to continue to woo her in to me anyway. This went on for about a week and then on that particular Sunday I had some time to reflect and pray over things a good bit. I came to realize that I had not been respecting her boundaries and space that she requested, and ultimately I had pretty much made it all about me and was just being plain selfish.

That Sunday evening, we got to get together to talk because we both knew that we needed to. I went over after she had gotten home from her Core Group (pretty much the same thing as what my church refers to as Life Group). We sat on the couch quietly for a minute and I began to speak; I began to talk and told her that I had some time to reflect and pray a good bit that day and that God had revealed to me my sin of being selfish. I confessed to her that my pride stepped in and I that I had continued to try to pursue her even though she had made it clear that she was not ready and that she needed some space to let God work on her heart and help her through the previous relationship and some other struggles she had been having. She wanted us to continue on just building a good friendship. I apologized to her and asked her to forgive me and promised her that I would respect her wishes completely and honor her request for boundaries and space. She was only wanting to be obedient to Christ and what His will for her life was the time - there's nothing wrong with that, and what right did I have to try and thwart that...as if I could, because I cannot thwart His plan for my life, much less hers. Oh, the things that God had in store for me...

Later that night after I got home, I actually seemed a little at peace, knowing that by being obedient to Christ in this was ultimately what He wanted for both of us. Honestly, I was a little nervous too I guess, just not knowing what the next day would bring, knowing also that she was not going to be in it, at least in the way that I had wanted. A lot of reflecting and processing followed this and I went on to bed.

The next morning I got up and got ready to head to work. I got in my truck and was not even 2 minutes from my house and lost it right there as I drove. The tears began to come and I began to be an emotional wreck. I don't mind sharing this because it showed that apparently I had some kind of feelings for this girl, but just didn't know what all they were at the time. Days went by without really seeing her all that much. We talked a few times here and there on the phone but it was hard for me and always seemed to end in disappointment, but I did my best to not let her see that. It was more important that she know that I wanted to respect her wishes and give her space.

I talked some to my counselor about the situation and he really helped me to begin to get some perspective on the whole situation, but in that I realized that this was going to be a process for me and not as easy as just making a decision to do something. He helped me to see that I needed to learn how to grieve this as a loss, but that would mean that I had to let go. I know I needed to but I began to realize more and more that this was not going to be easy...at all.

I guess a week or so went by and I found myself at home that Wednesday evening with idle time and my mind began to churn with thoughts. I began to analyze everything all over again and that led to coming to a place of loss where I just needed to talk things out or whatever, so I picked up my laptop and wrote an email to a few of the guys in my Man Group(just what we call it, basically a group of men I get together with on a regular basis to talk about life and God and how we can help and encourage one another as "stuff" comes along). As I wrote, I began to cry as I bled my heart out in this email. I didn't know what was happening but I continued as I know this was part of the process for me. I continued to type and ask what was happening to me? How could I be this into someone whom I really had not spent all that much time with. My heart was bleeding all over the place and honestly it sucked.

Two responses came from that email...one, from our group leader, Lee. It was short and simple; "sounds to me like your heart is coming alive again, and that should be celebrated". The other response came the next day at lunch from my friend Jeremy. We met at Moe's and talked about all the details of what had been going on. Jeremy is one of those people who is just easy to talk to, though weird enough, he's a good bit younger than I, but regardless of that, I feel he always has a lot of Godly wisdom to offer to any situation. We came to a break in my explaining everything that was going on in my heart and mind and he looked at me eye to eye and said "Jason, it looks like to me that you're just a little bit in love". "Maybe it's something about her your in love with or maybe a few things, but regardless it just seems like your a little in love with something about her, and Jason, that is okay." I just stared at him for a second with a blank stare, almost afraid to speak and then I admitted that a similar thought had come across my mind the night before but I had quickly washed it from my mind. I thanked him for his perspective and told him that I would take that away and pray about it, even though it was not going to solve anything and if I had to be honest, the thought of it scared me to death.

Ya know - looking back in my journaling and other notes, a lot really happened between she and I in such a short time. I just looked at an entry I made on March 18th. Actually it is was from the 4th and final letter that I decided to write to her because I still wanted to share my life with her even though it did not appear that things were going to work out. I want to insert part of it here, just as I wrote it that day...


Tricia,

Why do I continue to write to you? We talked on the phone last night for a little while. It was a good conversation, but this morning I began to have thoughts of giving up hope that there may ever be an "us". Not really sure where that thought comes from , but then almost as quick as I had the thought that, I also thought that maybe an immediate "war" in my life is you. Meaning that you are what I am to war over and fight to have in my life. Don't over-analyze this, but I look at you, I listen to you, I continue to learn more about you and I continue to grow emotionally toward you.
Nothing about you sends up red flags, and that makes me curious. It makes me wonder why I met you, why we ever began to go out only to then step back? We began to walk down a road, and then it was like that road came to a fork and we had to split and now with the terrain between us being so thick and unpredictable I cannot see or read the area well enough to determine if our paths may ever cross again. I guess it goes back to that conversation that we had about wishing we could just see ahead a little, a sneak peak at the play book of life, but I see more clearly now that this is God continuing to teach me to just rely and trust in Him alone, that while He is a mystery much like what there is between us, that He does have our best interest in mind here.


What I had not realize about all this happening is that God wasn't only wanting to do some work in her but also in my own life. Around that same time my men's group was going through a part of the book "Way of the Wild Heart" and we were going over the chapter about the Warrior. This chapter covered a section that talked about in a man's life there will come a time when God reveals to him what that man's war in life may be, war meaning in the sense of war or battling for the souls of men and women. When we were going through this in the book our leader asked us to be listening to God and think about what it may be that God was leading us toward in regards to what our war or battle in life would be. It seemed almost immediate that God began to speak to me about this, actually I think it was that God was already beginning to move my heart in this area and now things began to become more clear. First, I felt that God was prodding me to become more involved with our Single's Ministry, regardless of the capacity or whether or not it was up front or leading from the shadows - I just needed to be involved. Secondly - that I go ahead and complete the steps necessary in joining my church and begin to work on becoming involved with the church's missions committee. Ultimately I had no idea what any of this would end up looking like, but I just trusting in my Father and began to let the other guys know what I felt God had been leading me to. I will touch on this more as I progress in this post.

One thing I will say here before going on...I sincerely believe if it had not been for her taking a stand to do what she knew was right and then my respecting her decision to do this, that I am unsure that I would have been able to hear or feel God's prodding me in this direction at this time. I think I would have honestly been distracted. I am a sinner and therefore I am prone to wander.

So I go on. Feeling that I was being prompted by the Lord, I emailed the leadership team from my Single's group to let them know that God had laid on my heart that I needed to let them know that I was available and desiring to get more involved in our Single's group. I told them that if there were any areas that may need a void filled to just keep me in mind and I would pray about it. I got an almost immediate response from 2 or 3 of them and funny enough all of them seemed to be pointing me in the direction of heading up our Homeless Ministry that we participate in on a monthly basis. To be honest here, I really did not expect that to be an area that they would refer me to and honestly again, I really did not even consider it being an option when I volunteered, but obviously God had something else in mind here.

I told them that I would pray over the opportunity. After praying I guess for about a week or two, I kept going back in my mind to wondering why was it that this was all that was being offered, but then along with that, it was like God was sitting right there telling me, why not? And to add to that, I felt as though God was calling me directly to this ministry and desiring me to step out of my own comfort zone and dive into my faith in Him. It was like He was just saying, just trust Me, you will see. So, I called up the folks over this opportunity and told them that I would take on heading up the Homeless Ministry. Again, just being honest and vulnerable here, I was scared to death of this. I had no idea what to do, or how to do it, but God kept coming back into my mind and speaking clearly that He was in control and He would work out all the details. I will touch more on this a little later, because it has been and still is exciting to see how God works in every detail of our lives.

At this point, Tricia and I had gotten to a point of not really talking as much and I guess she was just doing her own thing and I was too. I felt as though I was able to think and see so clearly and while in my heart there was still a lingering for her, I was able to just press on and not let it all consume my mind. Obedience comes to mind as I think back over this all, and seeing clearly that God was in control and He truly desires the best for my life.

I guess to just jump right back into the Homeless thing; I remember my very first event and the days approaching it. Our group was in charge of providing the meal for the event and that pretty much means either by way of preparing and bringing it ourselves or by having a local restaurant or a group of establishments donate items to be served. I decided that because the Single's beach retreat was coming up soon that I did not want to dip into their wallets at this time, so I proceeded to make a list of establishments that I felt would possibly donate food. I began calling around town. I was a little surprised by the fact that most wanted to do something but due to the time of month and notice, that it just wasn't in their budget at that time, but almost all of them told me to call them back with more advance notice, so I noted that and pressed on. Finally, I remember sitting there in my truck, and you might remember this by reading one of my past blog post, but as I was sitting there, realizing that this was Monday and that Friday was coming fast. I sat and thought, and was pretty discouraged because it seemed that every place I called could not do anything at this time. Then it came to me that even though I had been praying for so many things going on around me that I actually had not stopped to pray about this need in particular. So right there, I stopped and began to pray, just pleading with God that He would provide as He promises in His word. I prayed specifically that He would provide the entire meal for some 50-75 people. I knew He could make this happen, but I never cease to be amazed at how quickly and bountifully He provides for our every need. I went on into work and was tending to my daily activities and then I got a call from a manager at a local Italian restaurant. He asked what we were in need of to make this all work out. I explained what our needs were and he said he would do some checking and give me a call back by the end of the day. I think maybe an hour went by and he called me back to tell me that he could provide salad, spaghetti, rolls, and all the other stuff needed. All we needed to do was pick it up. Oh, how amazing is our God! This is only one example of how magnificent God truly is...and here is another...

The following month it was our month to provide the drinks and for someone to do a devotional during our time there. I remember asking for a volunteer to do the devotional, mainly because I just could not see myself being able to do it without fumbling my words and not making any sense. As the day approached it became apparent that no one was going to step up this month so I laid down the burden to Christ. As I prayed that day, I remember the Holy Spirit laying upon my heart my own struggles with listening to the lies, that go through my head at times telling me that I can't do this or that, or that I'm wasn't good enough. That the truth was that Christ could and would speak through me, that He would prepare my way, that He would go before me, that He would do it. So, I went to the Word and found relative scriptures to pray over and began to write out an outline of what I felt I was being led to talk about. This was all fine and dandy at the time because I wasn't up in front yet, but that time came that Friday night. I remember being pretty nervous all day on that Friday at work. Tricia and I actually talked that day some and she just encouraged me that I could do this that it was in me; it was my heart that was speaking because she knew I understood the topic very well. She encouraged me to just take a deep breath and get up there and go for it, letting God speak through me, giving me the words that He laid on my heart and through His Word. Well, the time came where I was asked to step up and give the devotional. So, I stepped up and as folks gathered around, I remember seeing so many faces that I didn't know and many that I did know from my own Single's group. This was a little intimidating at first, but then I remembered, that my Lord had gone before me, that He had been preparing the hearts and ears that would be hearing me, that my friends were there and they loved me and supported me, so why be in fear? I began and to my surprise, I was actually speaking very loudly so that everyone could hear and with confidence. It was like the Spirit just took over, in fact, it was the Holy Spirit that took over and spoke through me. I remember referring back to my notes to be sure I was following my basic outline, but all the words between came from the Lord. He spoke through me, He did it and it was awesome! God is so faithful, no matter our fears, no matter our insecurities. He is awesome! I was so thankful about this and afterward Tricia texted me to ask how it all went and I told her that it went great and that I appreciated her prayers and encouragement. She told me that she knew I could do it, no doubt.

More time went by and I guess now it would be around the end of May and I had just come back from a beach retreat with our Single's group. At this point, I remember thinking that there were a few girls in our group that I wanted to get to know better. At this point, I had pretty much come to the conclusion that things with Tricia were just going to remain as friends and I was cool with that. I had come to a place where I felt that I wanted to just invest in friendships and whatever God would do beyond that would be accepted if that was His will. I want to point out here, you may wonder why I am talking about my thinking about going out with other girls if this post is so much about the beginnings of Tricia and I? Well, I want to accurately tell about everything that I feel God was taking me through to get there, and this all was just part of it. She knows about it all, so I feel comfortable telling you about it. Anyway, I wanted to get to know a few girls better, learn about their heart and see who they really were inside, and offer them the opportunity to see who I was. Over the course of about 3-4 weeks, I went out with three different girls. As I went out with these girls, I had a great time and I think they did too, most of all just getting to know them better was awesome. To see how God had been moving in their lives and using them for His glory. I will touch more on this in a second, but wanted to point out here, that it was about mid June and Tricia had called me up to see if I wanted to come over to her house to meet her cousin Amanda who was living with her for the summer. I said sure and went over that evening. We had a great time talking and hanging out. I remember during that conversation that we got in deep about dating and relationships and what they should or shouldn't look like. Her cousin was asking advice about a situation she was in at the time and not that I had any good advice to give, but shared the best I could with her. I explained a lot about where all I had been, the mistakes I had made, the places where I could see God molding me into the man of God He wanted me to be.

I remember referring back to when Tricia and I had first gone out, what we both felt, but also that apparently it was not in God's will at the time (understand, me still not knowing what was happening before my eyes). It was really cool to talk generally about what God had been teaching me through that experience, and Tricia commented too on the very same. I could see further confirmation in our obedience in following God's will in that situation, and as hard as all that had been, I was so grateful for His leading us in that situation.

About a week later, Tricia called me up at the office and asked if I wanted to go to lunch since she was in town. I said sure, so we went to Surin in Crestline. We just had good conversation, as usual. It seemed that we always had good conversation, always just being real about where we were in life, whether talking about our difficulties or praises, it has always just been great. We finished up lunch and I went ahead and paid for our meal and we headed back to the office. Still, understand, I am thinking on a friend level and I'm pretty sure she was too probably but looking back, I can see where God was working in this all again and setting up the stage for what was to come. We also went to lunch again a few days later, at this point it is around the last week of June and still I was just thinking nothing more than just a friendship. It was really cool.

That Friday of that week, I think it was June 27th to be exact; she called me while at work and was asking if I had plans on the following Thursday night and if I wanted to go to the Baron's game with her and some of her friends from church. I told her that I would love to, but that I had to work at my part-time job that evening and then I needed to head over to my sister's house to get it ready for our Single's 4th of July party that was going to be the following day. She seemed really disappointed, and honestly, for some reason I was too, but there was nothing I could do about it. So, the next week came about and we were beginning to talk on the phone a little more and during a few of those conversations she commented on how she really wished I could go to the game with her, but still, there was nothing I could do. That day approached and we were talking again and talking about our week and she asked what I had done the night before...I hesitated and then told her that I had a date that previous night. She was like, oh, okay. We both sat there for a minute in silence, I don't know why, well maybe I do know why now, but it was kinda funny. I then said to her, ya know, that was kind of weird to tell you that for some reason. She agreed and said yeah, that was kind of weird to hear. We didn't really talk about it anymore and continued our conversation. At this point, a thought came over me about her, and I took a chance and asked her if she wanted to come over to my sister's after the game. I told her that she could invite her friends if she wanted, but that everyone could bring there swim suits and come over to swim, heck it was hot enough so I figured it would be a great idea. She said that she would see about that and talked as if it were a good possibility. I pretty much wrote it off at that time because I figured that it wouldn't happen. Later that night, I guess it was around 9:30 or so and she called me from the game. They were watching the closing fireworks show and about to all leave. She told me that she would call when she got to her car. When she called back, I asked if she was going to come over and she said that she was, but wasn't going to ask the others over. Interesting, but just fine with me.

When she arrived, we pretty much got right into the pool. The water felt great and we just got on some floats and hung out and talked as we floated around the pool. I remember thinking to myself that she looked great. I guess we talked for about an hour and then it started to get a little cool so we decided to jump into the hot-tub. We continued our conversation and she said that her shoulders hurt so I offered to rub them, yeah, I know, this could be a dangerous thing to do while sitting in a hot tub, but I knew her and my mind was not there, so I felt it was okay. After rubbing her shoulders for awhile, she was still sitting in front of me and I kind of embraced her back into my arms, she followed that notion and just relaxed in my arms. We sat there for a little while longer talking. In my mind I was wondering what was going on, even though I was the one who made that move. Anyway, we decided that we were about as pruned up as we could be and got out of the hot-tub. We sat on the outdoor couch next to the hot-tub. On the couch she laid back into my arms again and we were talking for awhile longer. She resituated where she could see me and could talk face-to-face. This was the point where I really began to sense something very different from her. She was looking intently into my eyes, without ever breaking the lock as we talked and then out of know where, I leaned in and kissed her. Wow! That was amazing! I didn't say that, in fact, we neither one said a thing for a few minutes, but then kissed again. I then spoke up and asked her to tell me where she was in regards to her struggle with us dating from before, if she had worked through everything that she needed to work through at that time. She said yes, that she had worked through everything and explained her journey to some degree of what all God had been doing in her life. This was good news, especially since we just kissed for our first time. After that we really did not talk about what happened anymore. It was getting late and we both needed to get home and get some sleep. She said that she was going to come to the 4th party we were having and asked if she could bring a friend or two, I told her that would be great and then I walked her to her car, kissed her again and she left. I went home and just sat on my bed and began to pray and thank God for this happening. I proclaimed to Him that I had no idea what was going on but that I wanted to just trust Him in this and not be fearful or hesitant, but all at the same time, also not be naive to any false or assumed thoughts in this. I asked God to just give me wisdom, patience, and help me to just relax in this and enjoy her. To enjoy getting to know more about her and learning what God's will was for her in my life. I thanked God for Him supreme mercy and kindness, for His ability to have been obedient before in what we both went through and for all the work He had been doing in both of us during that time. He is truly a wonderful redeemer, an almighty giver, and gracious in all that He has done in my life, even through the tough times in my life I can look back and see clearly how He was working and showing me things about myself and more of who He wanted me to be in Him.

In my past, I would have needed to have a major talk right there and then when that kind of thing happened, to just kind of define things, but for some reason I didn't feel the need to do that. I felt like this was another evidence of God's work in my life. Just not needing to have to define something right there and then and that felt really good. The next day, the party got started and I guess it was about 12:30 or so and her and her friends Katie and Alissa showed up. It was great to see Tricia again and I was glad she came. In the back of my mind, I had analyzed the situation a little and thought she may get scared and then not show at all, but she came and she seemed fine after everything that happened the night before. This was really cool.

The day went on and was drawing to an end and folks were deciding of when and where they were going to go to watch the fireworks at Red Mountain. I had to get some sound equipment back to the YMCA and get things cleaned up. Tricia asked if I wanted to come watch the fireworks with her and her friends, I told her I would love to but that it all depended if I could get everything done that I needed to in time to make it to meet them a little later. I was able to get things wrapped up at the house pretty quickly and then took the sound equipment back over to the Y. I decided to just save on time and since I had some extra clothes that I would just take a shower there and save on time so I could make it to Homewood for the fireworks show. I met Tricia and her friends a little while later and we went to the field next to Shades Cahaba school to watch the fireworks. We had a great time watching the show and then went to eat afterward at some place near UAB that they frequent on late night outings. Afterward, Tricia and I went back to her house and we stayed up a little while talking a little about what was happening between us. We pretty much decided that neither of us wanted to necessarily rush into anything but that both of us wanted to go out with the other and at least give things a try. So, after this I left and went home. Very long but awesome day, again, being very thankful to our Father for what seemed to be His blessings to go forward and see where He was going to lead us.

We went forward on into the next week just taking things day by day, and now we are 3 months into our relationship, and I can tell you, that I've never been in a relationship quite like this; One that is so very free to just be ourselves and easy. One where it is easy to go and serve our Lord together and compliment each other while doing so; One that is filled with love, care, selflessness, honor, and respect. I am not claiming that she is perfect by any means and nor do I want her to be, because hey, I'm far from it. Relationships and marriage as a whole reveal more about our own sin than it does about our strengths. We have our issues, we have disagreements at times, and we’re just not perfect, but even with that, like never before I can see where I've grown and how she handles this in such a way that is so different from anyone in my past. Again, it is freeing and easy. I am so very thankful to our Lord in Heaven for this precious gift He has allowed me to embrace in Tricia. I know where we are heading, she knows where we are heading, but ultimately we never know where we'll end up, and we are moving forward day by day, trusting in God to lead and guide us along the way. We pray that He remains in the center of our relationship, that we seek Him to serve and love the other, and we pray that as He guides us into the future that He will do something really big in our lives in way of service to Him. No matter what we do, that it will be for His Kingdom and for the love of His people.

The Crew from Cov

The other night Tricia and I went to an engagement party for a friend of mine who recently got engaged.  It was a great time getting to see so many people there that I've not seen in a while.  Tricia got to meet a lot of my friends that night, from what I can gather, they all seemed to embrace her and there looked to be mutual acceptance among them all.  When I left Covenant Pres sometime ago and began going to Oak Mountain, it was hard to adjust to not being around many of those folks but over time I knew I was doing the right thing by going to Oak Mountain.  Those friends back at Covenant I have not forgotten nor has our friendships decreased.  That is really the interesting thing.  Most of these folks are married couples, now with like 2 kids and who knows what's in the works.  But the really cool thing about all these folks is that they have always been there, through the thick and thin and through all of my stuff.  They all mean a lot to me and I cherish those friendships dearly.
I don't know that I've ever mentioned any of them on this blog before, so I thought I'd shed some light to who all these people are and by maybe telling a few stories.  I guess to start off, we all met each other in the Single's group at Covenant.  Most of us began going there back around 1999 or 2000 and some came in a little later.  It was like God just dropped us all off at the same place around the same time to develop some very significant friendships with each other over the years.  God knew what He was up to here, because we all quickly began to develop very strong and lasting relationships.  It was neat to see how God worked in all of these friendships to later lead to many of the guys and girls getting married over time, now most of them having at least one child by now and some two.

Jon, Bobby, Bou, Derek, Brandon and Rusty.  These guys have pretty much been the closest guy friends in that crowd.  I will get around to who they all married a little later.  Each of these guys came from different backgrounds and places, with a ranging of interest that included hunting, sports, mission trips, and just good ole hanging out.  Not all of us had something in common except for the hanging out part, which seems to still be the most important, but the common interest among this group had us all pretty much doing things together very often, even leading to some of us sharing a house together here in there over the years.  All of them have very interesting and inspiring stories of life and their coming to a personal relationship with Christ, but one in particular is Bou.  If you ever run into this guy, do yourself a favor and ask him about escaping from Cambodia when he was just a kid with his family.  It is an incredible story and you can see Christ all the way through it giving him protection, provision, love, and grace.  He came to America and now he lives the American dream like the rest of us.  No, I'm not saying life is perfect for any of us, nor is it for Bou, but by the grace of God he was able to come and be raised here in America, was able to take advantage of the blessings of our freedoms that this country was founded on...although, I have to say now, that our freedoms seem to be slipping away from us more and more as we go through life...but that's another blog post altogether.  Jon, Bobby, Derek and I used to share a house out in Riverchase.  At the time, we called it the "Home for Unwed Brothers".  It was like a frat house, always having people over for cookouts and gatherings, and a lot of times for those great heart to heart conversations on the back deck or wherever to just talk about the struggles and successes of life. 

Jon and I first hung out at a Mt. Brook football game one night with some other guys from the group.  In our conversation, I pretty much unloaded my testimony to him right there from the stands watching the game, who knows why then and there, but apparently I just felt like talking but I talked about a lot and Jon was I think a little overwhelmed by it all at first, but later came to appreciate everything we had talked about.  He knew who I really was, he knew what I struggled with and he knew what my hang-ups where...from this, with him, I was free to just be myself and be real with him.  He knows this now but I really appreciated him listening to me that night and it was the foundation of our friendship that still presses on through thick and thin.  He later married an awesome girl named Kristi.  Kristi was in our group at Covenant too and most of the earlier years in the group she was tied up with school but stayed involved the entire time.  She is another great friend of mine to this day and going to hang out with them and their two beautiful children is always still a lot of fun.  One of the great things about hanging out with them is that they are both just real all the time. They talk pretty openly about the great things in their marriage and the struggles they sometimes have.  They are an inspiration to me to see their walk through life as husband and wife, father and mother of two, while balancing work, children, life, and other things.  Jon just finished up his MBA about a year ago now I guess, and now his career is beginning to take steps upward to new horizons.  I am proud of both of them and I cherish and value their friendship so much.

Derek  - one of the old roommates from the big house in Riverchase.  He is the entrepreneur in our group.  I remember seeing him studying while on retreats early on to be a world class commercial real estate professional and that he has become over the years.  Success looked easy to us on the outside looking in, but in hindsite, he worked hard, very hard to get where he has gotten.  Always studying everything he could get his hands on and always taking the right risk at the right time.  He was inspired and mentored by one of the best in the business back then and now he wears the integrity, values, and success of that person.  Derek was also the crazy one in our group, kinda like a kid that forgot his adderall or ritalin...every day!  He never seems to let adventure pass him by and like his profession, has always taken risk that could have cost him in the end, but God's hand of protection has always been upon him as well.  Derek always has been there to listen and give insight of wisdom along the way for all the guys.  He has a big heart and does whatever he can to help others out in a bind when needed.  He went on as well to marry a girl who is actually as short as he is...short but very sweet and fun.  You look at the two of them and see that God had them in mind for each other without a doubt.  Her name is Rushton.  She came into our group a little later and Derek had her in his sights almost imediately for a pursuit of an incredible relationship that we all got to see develop.  Derek is a pilot also and I was able to go up with him several times in his Cesna at the time and a few of us even took the plane on a beach trip once that was an experience that I'll never forget.  Derek is a busy person, running a business, being married, fathering two children and balancing life,  but will always take the time to stop and hang with the guys when opportunity comes around.  He is a great friend and I will always cherish he and his wife's friendhip for years to come.

Bou- he's always been a great friend, don't get to see him all that much anymore, but a friendship that has lasted through thick and thin over the years.  The early years of friendship were spent talking a lot about life and struggling through knowing what God's will was for our lives in one way or another.  It was cool to go on a mission trip with a person who was the result of mission work himself.  I've had many interesting times with Bou learning about his culture and how he grew up and then came to America to pursue life, school, work and then marriage to Aline, his sweet wife.  They now have two beautiful children.  One may wonder what does a baby from a red headed american girl and a Cambodian look like...beautiful is all I can say, and those kids are full of personality and character.  It was always great to see Bou struggle with the things that life brings along, in that by God's direction and grace, showing him what to do and how to go there.  As all of us, mistakes are made, and some decisions made over time seem to put us two steps back, but as we all learn too, that is God's way of just taking us four steps forward, learning more about ourselves and most of all the unconditional love of Christ along the way.  Each year, Bou invites several of us guys down to his father-n-law's land in Camden, Alabama for some of the best hunting around.  We go down around the same time in December to participate in this hunting trip that usually produces a lot of opportunity to kill a deer, and on some years, the harvest is big but I will not go into that as it may seem cruel to some, but again, that is all for another blog post sometime.  I think the best thing about that annual trip is just the guys all getting together again to hang out, talk about life, laugh a lot all while enjoying a glass of Crown...of course not while hunting...we're crazy - not stupid...however there have been a few things that have happened over the years that would have made you think we were drinking while hunting, some really funny stuff.  A favorite story I will share is about Rusty who I will talk about next.  We are all so appreciative to Bou for inviting us each year,  because it gives us that opportunity to catch up and continue building upon the strong friendships we already have.  Bou and Aline are another couple who's friendship I will always cherish.  They have been there for me too in the tough times and for that I am very thankful. 

Rusty- what can I say about ole Rusty, what can I not say?  I actually met Rusty when going on a mission trip to Ukraine.  He did not go to our church at the time and he came as a friend of someone in the group that was going.  I didn't know what I was in store for back then and now looking back all I can do is laugh and say, "ole Rusty".  But, over the years, and even back there on that trip I saw things in Rusty that most may not get to see when just hanging out with him at times.  Rusty has a very big heart.  He comes across sometimes to people who don't really know him as unfiltered, disrespectful, and sometimes downright wrong....but those people don't really know Rusty, and if they didn't give him a chance to know him a little better, it was only their loss.  Rusty will always be the one to say what you were thinking but just wouldn't dare say, and for that I am thankful...at least most of the time, because behind this rough edged face is a heart that really cares for people in a very deep and meaningful way.  As he reads this, if he does, he would probably say I'm an "ass-kisser" or whatever for saying all this, but that is just his way of saying being humbled I believe.  I remember on more than one occasion he and I having heart to heart talks that blew me away in regards to his care and compassion for people.  This is all just something you don't know about Rusty unless you get him one on one in a conversation.  Rusty married the perfect girl for him.  Laura, someone who can handle his smart comments and know when to listen to him and when to not listen to him.  She is a wonderful wife and mother too.  She compliments him in a way that makes them an incredible couple.  They are always laughing and having fun and always fun to hang out with.  Now, the story I mentioned above.  I think it was two years ago now, we were all down in Camden for our annual hunting trip and while Bou doesn't hunt, he does go out to the stands with each of us from time to time to watch the hunt.  This day he went with Rusty.  The actual hunting time was pretty unproductive, but as they were walking back up to the truck to come back in from the woods, Rusty spotted a doe about 100 yards beyond the truck.  Bou went ahead and got in the truck and Rusty hurried up to take aim over the hood of this Dodge Ram he was driving.  Just know this, Rusty is an awesome shot, he usually never misses what he's shooting at, so he took aim, while resting the rifle on the hood of the truck to get a stable shot, he pulled the trigger and boom!  He looked back through the scope and there stood the doe just minding its owne business.  A little shaken by the noise but otherwise untouched....Rusty was like "what the heck?"  So he took aim again and fired again, boom!  He looked again through the scope and said "you've got to be kidding me"  the doe was still just standing there eating at the grass.  Rusty looked at his rifle to be sure there wasn't something wrong with it then noticed two dark spots on the hood of his truck.  Then he took a closer look...with the way that the curve of the hood is on a Dodge Ram and with the fact that he was looking through the scope, he never noticed that when he shot both times that he was only shooting into the hood of his truck, but talk about consistency, they two shots were right next to each other...now that is called good grouping...not that he was too happy about his grouping at the time.  So, to top this off he went around the truck and took aim resting the rifle into his shoulder and put the doe down finally.  That day Rusty got to do something no one else ever has probably never will, he came back to the barn with a Ram and a doe.  Talk about a hunting trophy.  That is just one of the many stories that there are from our incredible trips.  I appreciate Rusty and his wife Laura.  They are great friends that will last over the years for which I am very thankful.

Now onto Bobby- Bobby, the quiet one, but don't let him fool you.  He always been up to something and his being quiet has always helped him to be taken seriously but also a good cover when he wanted to be scandalous.  Bobby has always been that one that you could talk to and know he would just listen and wouldn't have to say something back - he'd just listen.  Of course if you wanted him to respond or comment he would but he has a natural gift in being able to listen and give wisdom.  Many who know him knows he loves sports and he also is a referee for basketball.  Mostly high school games but some college girls games as well.  Bobby was another roommate from the house in Riverchase.  He was probably the first one of all of us in the group at Covenant.  He loves to fish too, so even though we go hunting down in Camden, sometimes he comes along to go bass fishing in the lakes around the property.  It seems like he was always the one behind all the shananagans that came about all the time.  He's just so stinking quiet and he was never the one you suspected to be behind something but somehow always was.  He finally married his wonderful wife Lori after years of going on and off over time.  We knew they'd get married and finally they did, but in a little different way.  They actually got married on a Single's beach retreat that we had one year, one that OMPC's single group at the time went on as well.  It was a crazy weekend and we did it all up.  The wedding was on the beach and it was really cool to be a part of such an awesome event.  Bobby and Lori now have a child of their own too, and he is another heart stealer.  Bobby and Lori are great friends too that I always enjoy getting together with at any time.  I will always cherish their friendship for years to come.

Now, only time for one more right now, and I'll come back to whoever I left off...
Brandon - Good ole Brandon.  I don't even know where to begin with him.  He's a photographer by trade but now works in ministry at The Apologetics Resource Center here in Birmingham.  He's always been that one that kinda talked over your brain and then you would have to say, "okay, Brandon, now tell me in English so I can understand".  Love the guy though, because he's always had a heart and love for God and His people and with a sincere desire to spread the Word in Truth.  He is another crazy one that I know, always taking the risk and sometimes not thinking about the consequences, but living in the end.  His wife Katrina is a wonderful match for him, mainly by being able to calm him enough sometimes long enough to just survive his crazy antics.  I am forever endebted to them for something they did for me back sometime ago, when all the guys were getting married off one by one and I did not have anyone to live with or anywhere to live.  They invited me to live in an extra bedroom in their home.  This was an awesome experience and worked out much better than I think any of us anticipated.  They were so gracious to let me live there and I am forever thankful for their ministry in that to me at that time in my life.  Brandon really showed me a lot about working hard during that time because with his going to school and trying to study all while trying to keep his photography business going was taxing to say the least.  He was awake more than ever asleep and always on his toes.  I appreciated seeing them in their marriage, working through easy and tough times along the way, but always trusting in God to provide and lead them along the way.  I will always cherish and appreciate their friendship as the years go by. 

I think that is about it for now on these folks.  These are firendships that will last a lifefime.  I am very humbled and thankful for them all and I look forward to the many years to come as our friendships grow and develop more.  Thanks ya'll for for everything you have been, for everything you are, and for everything you want to be.  Thank you.

Questions That Are Cluttering My Heart and Mind...

What or who is a friend?  Who do you consider your friend or friends?  Why do you consider a person or people friends?  How should a friend treat you?  How should they not treat you?  How do you treat a friend?  How should you treat a friend?  How do our assumptions and expectations play into how we perceive a friendship or how we operate within that friendship? 

These are all just things that have been running through my mind lately.  I may not go into why, but I just need to free my mind a bit here.  I'm now in a dating relationship.  This is an awesome and wonderful thing, but sometimes I wonder just why it seems that when you get into a dating relationship, that other friendships seem to fade or dissipate all together.  I know in my past, that I have been a big reason as to why some friendships have changed, but this relationship is different.  This relationship is free and easygoing with no hesitations to just be myself within it.  I can speak the same for Tricia, my girlfriend.  I guess I just wonder why it is that some friendships go from a place of hugs, handshakes, and genuine down to earth conversation suddenly come to a place of awkwardness and sometimes silence. 

I have spent a good bit of time with girlfriend.  We have spent time getting to know each other better and have been establishing what I see as a really good relationship founded and centered in Christ.  No, we're not perfect, who is, but we both want our relationship to be centered in Him and with that we want to continue our friendships that we've always had, it is very important to both of us.  Granted, I understand that some time spent with her more often sometimes leads to others maybe thinking that we've moved on, or we're not interested in doing things that Single folks do, but the funny thing about it all is that we are still single.  Plain and simple.  And we love spending time with our friends, me with hers and her with mine.  She has come to get to know several of my friends as I have with her friends and it has seemed to work out very well in many situations, however, there is the puzzling thing to me that some friends of mine, those whom I really thought would embrace her, and want to get to know her, have not really tried to hardly talk to her.  I say all this as sensitively as I can, because I really don't want to offend anyone, but then I guess on the other hand, maybe it could all just be in my mind.  Maybe it could all just be my fault; maybe it could be just what's supposed to happen, but for some reason I just can't help but think it shouldn't. 

Honestly, it just hurts.  And it disappoints me.  I know I should not have expectations, but then I wonder how unhealthy my expectations really are in this matter?  I see the same thing happening to others, and some of them not even connected to the same realm of friends.  It kind of reminds me of something even I've been guilty of in the past when some of my friends have gotten married over the years.  I remember being hesitant to call them, or thought they were probably busy doing married or couple things and wouldn't have time or desire to spend time with a single person, like I would be a third wheel or something...  that's all just a bunch of bunk if you ask me and I think it just has to be said. 

Don't misunderstand any of this.  I'm not having a pity party here, far from it really.  I'm just curious what is going on?  I wonder what is misunderstood, heck I wonder what I'm misunderstanding?  If you're reading this and you go to assume that I'm speaking about you, well, don't assume.  This is not something that is being addressed to a particular person or group of people, I'm just asking a question.  I'm just looking for answers.  With wisdom comes understanding, and hence freedom and grace.  I'm just searching, that's all, so please forgive me if I have offended, it has not been my intention.  Feel free to respond, actually I encourage you to and be anonymous if you want, regardless I'd love some feedback. 

Yes, In fact it was...

the best birthday I've ever had.  Yeah, been awhile since I've made a post, and I would love to sit down and just type out everything that I've been doing and thinking about over the last month or so, and maybe I will, but wanted to at least update my most previous post about my birthday.

Where do I start?  It seemed to of lasted for over a week, which was awesome!  Tricia did an awesome job of remembering all kinds of things about me and what I like, which is very special and shows how much she listens to me, even when I ramble.  I guess we'll just start on Friday night before my birthday.  She had arranged for many of my closest friends to go to dinner at Cocina Superior.  It was awesome, and I am so thankful for all those that were able to be there.  It was really special to me.  Most of all, it was just really great being surrounded by whom I think are my very closest friends, my girlfriend, while enjoying great food and conversation all at one time.  Afterwards a few of us went up to the wine loft and hung out for awhile.  It was an overall relaxing but very fun evening.

Saturday, Tricia and I just had a spontaneous day.  Nothing planned, no agenda, just went out and had breakfast, did a little shopping and looking around and just enjoyed the day together.  This is one of our favorite things to do, not much to it, which is great and really emphasizes the time we spend together, continuing to get to know each other better, learning the likes and dislikes, and honestly having a great time all along the way.  It is amazing to me how much we laugh together.  It is freeing and fun.  Anyway, pressing on to the evening...

Tricia had asked me to make myself busy for a few hours while she got things ready for Saturday night...what was she up to?  I really had no idea, but it was more incredible that I ever could have imagined.   I went and ran some errands around town and really just wasted some time to give her time to do what she needed to do.  She finally called me a few hours later and told me to come on over.  As I pulled in the drive she stopped me almost at the end of her driveway, weird I thought, but I knew I needed to just go with it.
She told me to close my eyes while she led me down the driveway and through her carport to the back patio of her home.  As I opened my eyes, I was amazed to see all that she had done to prepare for my birthday.  It was something like out of a movie or something.  Here is a pic just to give you an idea...

Candle votives everywhere, and I mean everywhere, she had between 35 and 40 set up around the patio and it was beautiful.  Over on the table, she had a stunning arrangement set up for dinner, with candles and flowers set up perfectly.  I noticed little strings hanging down from the beams above, each with little tags tied to the ends.  On each was written something that Tricia loves about me.  There were 34 of them hanging all around.  It was amazing because of one, how it actually added to the overall look, and two, because of all the time I know she took to prepare all of this stuff.  She later gave me three additional tags with very special messages written on them to tell me about how she felt about me.  A total of 37 tags for each year I've been alive and to symbolize my 37th birthday.  You can see the tags hanging down in this picture...

Dinner was very special, incredible lasagna from scratch with great garlic toast to go along with it.  She put the finishing touches on this perfect dinner with a glass of our favorite wine.  The evening was amazing.  Just sitting and talking, laughing and enjoying each other.  Tricia is so thoughtful and so sweet.  Always wanting to serve and do for me, much more than I ever deserve, that's for sure.  She gives great gifts too!  Another place where I could see clearly just how much she listens to me and makes little mental notes along the way.

So yes, yes it was the best birthday ever!  Thank you Tricia for this incredible series of events marking the beginning of another year of my life.  Thanks to all my friends who have been there along the way.  You have all made an impact in one way or another, whether you realize it or not.  I appreciate you all, and am greatful for all those special people in my life.  Yea, this is sappy, but who cares?  It's my blog and I can be as sappy as I want with it.

Surprises, I love them!

We get surprised when we least expect something to happen. It is a natural thing and sometimes we love those surprises and sometimes they can be difficult. The other day, my girlfriend Tricia returned from her business trip to Pensacola. When I came over to her house to see her, she said that she had a surprise waiting for me. I was like, what in the world could it be and what for? I guess there really doesn't have to be a reason to get a surprise from someone else but she told me that with my birthday coming up soon, and that it was time to get it started now. I was like, what? Now, my birthday's not for another week or so, and she said very sweetly, well you don't celebrate your birthday just for one day but also for days leading up to it. I was like, well, this is all right! Anyway, the surprise was a fried peach pie from Peach Park in Clanton. She had stopped and gotten 3 of them for me. This was awesome! I love those pies and I had no idea that Peach Park was still open. Funny thing was that I was going to ask her to stop and get some but then thought they would not be open so I didn't bother to ask. Surprise! It's sometimes the simple things in life that make me happy, but more importantly was the fact that she thought of me while on her way back and stopped to get them! This was huge to me and I appreciated her so much! Anyway, I don't know why I wanted to share that but just did. I think this might be the best birthday ever...guess we'll find out soon.

A New Season...

   Today is the first official day of Fall.  A time for new discoveries, new beginnings, and new revelation by God's gracious love.  I am excited about this Fall, as I plan to finish up on a few long blog posts I started previously; start blogging about a new book I'm beginning to read, and discovering more about God's direction for my life and His purpose.  I'm also challenging myself to find a new and more fitting look for my blog.  I've got one in mind but I am still working on getting it formatted.

    A new year usually begins for most on January 1st, but for me Fall is a time of renewal and rejuvenation usually with a lot of self-discovery.  I pray that God will set my path and set my pace as I look to Him for wisdom, knowledge, and understanding.  As I seek Him to know His will for my life; to learn more about how He desires for me to servant-lead in Life Group, Homeless ministry, my relationship with Tricia, and hopefully how I may become involved with OMPC's Missions Committee.  I pray also that God will lead me in becoming a better steward of His gifts; that He will instruct me by the way of His Word in realigning my budget and finances to more efficiently work towards being debt free. 

    Today is a new beginning and while I forsee many challenges along the way, I set forth my hope and my faith in Christ as He leads me; without retreat, without reservation, and without regret!  God, give me Your strength, passion, and patience - for without You, oh Lord I have none.

Ughhhh...why can't I just get it?

I am a selfish person. I don't easily admit this, but I am. It's just a fact. Some people may never see it, but the fact remains that I tend to want to have things go my way, in my timing, and on my terms, and with people I want to be included. Therefore this makes it difficult for me at times when an email or announcement is made where there are needs expressed that in some way or another infringe on my schedule, or rather maybe, my agenda. I wonder how many others struggle with this, or even realize it’s something they struggle with at all?


I find myself convicted of this today, because of my own judgment of others in this area. I was thinking over a situation going on in my life right now where I have had to put an announcement out asking for folks to help with an assortment of task, thinking or rather “expecting” a significant or maybe overwhelming response. I was wrong.

Not wrong because the response I expected didn’t come in, but wrong to expect period. Wrong to judge others and wrong to not consider what all other things that could be playing a role in someone not responding. I am not disappointed in the lack of response, it is what it is and that can’t be helped, but I am thankful that it has helped me to see a little more about myself and my own sin; My own sin of trying to take control of a situation and not simply leave it in God’s hands to handle. It’s amazing how I continue “to go back, over and over, like a dog to it’s own vomit” to just find out that “I” can’t do it anyway, and reminded that, my Lord above always does.

Maybe one day I’ll get it. I guess for now, I’m thankful that I have a God who loves me and forgives me in spite of the stupid things I think or sometimes do; a God who carries me when times are hard and a God that moves me when I need to be moved.

Thank You Lord, for Your unconditional love.

Seeking Him to Find Her

Last Sunday an interesting thing happened.  I went with my girlfriend to the office so she could pickup some things that she needed for a business trip this past week.  While we were there I was looking around the cubicle outside of her office.  This used to be her cubicle prior to moving into her office.  She still has some things of her own in that cubicle as that cube is no longer needed.

When I was looking around, I almost missed it, but for some reason I noticed a note card pinned to the wall that had a very interesting quote on it.  Here is exactly what it said:

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her."

My heart skipped for a second as I thought about what it said and how it portrayed an exact picture of how she and I came to be.  Some know the story and some do not.  I am currently working on a special blog entry that I will post hopefully soon, but to hit it on a glimpse...It is a story of two people who wanted to be with each other but due to work that had yet been done in each of their lives by God's sovereign  power, they had to be obedient by refusing their own personal wants and desires.  Neither of us knew what the future held but we each trusted God to be our all.  A couple of scripture verses that come to mind that I think relates to this very well:

"Seek the Lord while He may be found;

call upon him while He is near;..."

..."For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways My ways declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are My ways higher than your ways

and My thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55: 6, and 8-9

We waited on God, we trusted, and we obeyed so that He could do what was needed to prepare each of us for the other until His timing was right.  Now, approximately 6 months later we are together and we both know it is only by God's faithful love and devine providence.

I am thankful to God for all that He did in my heart and in hers over the last several months.  I pray that as she and I go forward, that God will remain in the center, that He will guide our every step, as individuals and together, I pray that we both will continue to be obedient to what His will is for our lives.  As we go forward  we both love a particular scripture in Proverbs that we both rely on very often and want to share with you...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths."  

Proverbs 3:5-6

Now go and seize the day and remember this; When there are no retreats, and no reserves, there are no regrets!

Just wanted to share this...

Each month I participate in a ministry with my singles group at church to go and feed the homeless downtown at Linn Park while also just taking time to hang out and love on them as well. As of about 4 months ago, I was asked to take the lead on this ministry in regards to our group with coordinating and handling all the details, so each month I ask God to give me something to write out and present to our singles group that would encourage participation and involvement in this awesome ministry. Yesterday, sitting in Sunday School, it kind of all took over my mind and here is what came of it...

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to bring the good news to the poor..."

(Isaiah 61:1)

What does this look like?

You may think you need to go and just outright share the gospel with a random homeless person by reading this, but there really is more to it than that.

Just being real with others whether homeless or not is in itself one of the most insightful and compelling examples of the gospel at work in our lives. The personal investment of our lives into the lives of others is in itself what Jesus love, grace, and acceptance is all about.

Can you be real? Can you let your mask down long enough to allow someone a real glimpse into your own life? To see you as your really are, a sinner, one that falls often, one that isn't perfect, one that doesn't have it all together and THEN reveal that God's love, grace, and mercy has NOTHING to do with how or when you stumble and fall but, ALL to do with the sacrifice of Christ - His gift of grace - that has already been done - already completed - FINISHED!

His Grace is Our Freedom!

So...will you come? Come to "bring the good news to the poor" next Friday, August 8th at Linn Park in downtown?

Please lift this event up in prayer as that day draws near and if you are lead, please join us that day as we come together to provide our homeless friends with hot meal, some love, and most importantly, "the good news"!

Sincerely In Christ,

Expectations...what gives me the right?

Ever have just one of those days? A day that you just get into a funk and that funk is engrossed with ridiculous expectations and even worse, lies from the evil one that cause you to question or doubt things that you know are true. Why is it that I have expectations? What good does it do me? What right do I have to have expectations? Don't get me wrong, I believe that some expectations can in fact be healthy, however there seem to be a lot more that are not.

Yesterday was this kind of day for me. I just couldn't shake it and the day pretty much spiraled downward I guess until I went to bed last night. My expectations pretty much came to a head yesterday, exposing my sin of selfishness overall but more precisely it was my sinful nature grasping to control people and things around me. It was a mess just to be honest. Not to be gross but I guess it reminded me of a big ole zit on the face...for days its coming, you really don't see it, but you can feel something working its way up beneath the skin, and then suddenly wallah, there it shines, like a bright beacon in the night for everyone to see. Then it burst!

It was all over the place, just messy and ended up being very difficult to work through and clean up. The foothold was was strong and merciless, but I kept pressing on just trying to work through it. Later last night, I went to the Lord in prayer, just confessing to Him my sin of being selfish and having unreasonable expectations. That in the process I hurt someones heart and it was never my intention to do so. I prayed that God would just weed that sin out of my body and mind. I realized that expectations can easily sneak into all facets of my life and when I least suspect it...I know I will stumble and fall, but as the Lord calls me to, I must get back up and brush the dirt off and press on knowing that God's desire was to bring this sin to light so that I could see it with clear eyes. He wasn't mad at me, He loves me and was again showing His incredible graciousness of mercy and love by revealing my sin to me so that I could lay that burden down at His cross.

There's more...this morning, I was a little hesitant about how I would feel after the wreck of the day I had caused yesterday. As I was getting ready, Christ brought to my mind some scripture that is oh so familiar, a couple of verses that I have always loved...Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."

As I arrived at work, I pondered over this scripture for some time. Basically, I was not trusting in my Father, I was not just leaving the circumstances of my life up to Him and simply enjoying life as He sees fit to deliver it. I was making things hard and difficult and for what? No good reason! I further thought about the fact that He calls me to lean on His understanding - NOT mine! After this, I prayed some more in the car this before walking in. Today has been a really good day, more than I hoped for and more than I expected. (get it...expected, duh!) Regardless - I am thankful to God for showing me what He has.

...yeah, I need to update this...

Quick briefing on the previous post...it all worked out. Not really trying to keep it short and simple but it ended up being just that simple. It's amazing how often I make such a big deal out of something that will work out to be so simple. Thankfully, I know the Lord's hand was upon the situation the entire time. It has turned out all good and now on to another day.

Interesting things are happening and God is moving in big ways and I am excited to see how God plays everything out. I will share more on this a little later. Still collecting my thoughts about everything right now.

Today I am just thankful to our Father. Thankful that He goes before me in everything I do. That He prepares the way, that He guides my steps, that He surprises me when I least expect it, that He shows me His love and grace in so many ways each and every day.

when Right is Right, and Wrong is Wrong...

Sometimes in life something comes along that seems to rub you the wrong way or just has the overall sense to it that something is definitely wrong.

I am going through something like this right now. I am struggling with knowing the correct and proper way to address the situation and my sinful nature keeps nudging me to pridefully storm in and take no prisoners. The other part of me, the Holy Spirit, thankfully tells me to just chill on it for some time, so that I can ponder and wait for the Lord to speak to me about how to address it.

The interesting thing about this situation is that I want so much to just go in and take control but the issue in itself is that I am feeling like I'm being controlled by my rights and freedoms being threatened. I know you're probably thinking, "well, what is it already?" I can't really go into the detail of the situation because of the sensitive nature of the issue and not knowing who all reads this blog.

I guess whenever we feel threatened that our rights or privileges are being threatened or handled inappropriately we tend to try to grasp back that control or at least try to right the wrong that we feel is threatening us. I know that God's timing in this is perfect. I know there is much more here than meets the eye. In my past, I would have reacted impulsively, usually escalating a situation far beyond where it should have gone, but thankfully, and by God's sufficient grace I am just waiting. I don't know exactly what I'm waiting on to happen except that God will speak. I just hope that I will be silent enough to hear Him.

I have looked into all the facts surrounding the issue enough to know that the way this situation is being handled is wrong. I am just asking God how it should all be addressed now. I feel that a possible opportunity to share the love of Christ is present here and I want to seize that opportunity if that's God's will here.

Pray for me please, that I would have His patience, His love, and His grace; That I would hear or see Him moving and join Him where He is; That I would seek the wise counsel of others; That I would see any bit of pride within me so that it can be confessed and repented. I want to do what's right here, and I wait patiently for Him to guide my steps.

Brothers in Arms...

Got together with 4 other guys tonight to just sit and talk a little about life and pray together. One initiated the meeting, and others followed. Times like these with my friends, laying our hearts on the table about so many things in our lives...these are the times that are sweet. These are the times that we come together to feed from the Heavenly table that Christ so graciously gives to us. I am thankful for these times, where we can sit down face to face and just open up to one another, to just be real before the sight of God. But these times are not always smooth or go without the attack of the evil one. Satan hates this. Satan despises when men get together as like iron sharpening iron and will begin to throw whatever he can at us to throw us off or disrupt.

God is bigger. He is more powerful and always prevails. His love for us, His love for our coming together, His desire to see us being real with one another. He protects us from the evil one, day and night, He watches over us when we are at our weakest state. Tonight we got together to talk and pray - there were disruptions, there were points of attack that we could all clearly see, but we pressed on as Christ would have us to. I am thankful for these brothers in arms, my friends and most of all, God.

A special prayer...

I want to just take a few minutes to lift up a couple of my dearest friends Julie and Shannon, who are leaving on a mission trip tomorrow morning to Uganda. Going on a mission trip out of the country is something that can be a very frightening thing, something that causes us to look to our Lord in all faith, giving up all our pride and control to just let Him do what He desires to do.

Julie and Shannon - I pray now for you that God would keep you and your team safe, that He will provide comfortable and quick travel so that His work may be done. I pray that He will go before you to provide open hearts and minds, and that the people there would accept and love you with open arms. I pray that your hearts be moved by our Lord in a way like never before, to put aside any personal agenda's or plans and that you will wait and watch to see where He is at work and join Him there. I pray that souls will be won to Christ by your actions, your character, your love, and your words that Christ communicates through you. I pray that you will both look to Him the entire time you are there, that your eyes will be opened to His supreme glory and magnificents within the midst of all the poverty and malnutrition, that you would display Christ love to all those you come in contact with so that they too can experience Christ. I pray that God will put a hedge of protection around both of you, to keep you safe, to protect your minds and hearts from the evil one and to comfort you in the times of your difficulties. Just as God has provided incredibly for this entire team financially to be able to go, I know He will provide incredible opportunities that can only be created by Him. Love you both and can't wait to see y'all when you get back. God speed and God bless you both.

Amen

Silence...

...it can be frightening, intimidating, and lonely. Silence can also be enlightening, thought provoking, an opening for God to really speak to our hearts, a time that we can for once just hear His voice.

This past Sunday evening, I attending our Single's Prayer and Praise time of fellowship. I wasn't really sure what to expect at first. The typical prayer and praise I've been to in the past have always been good to some degree, but this one was special for me. I guess I don't take the time very often to think about how much I don't take time in silence to just be with the Lord. Sunday night this became very clear to me and I think if I took anything away from that time of worship and fellowship, it was that taking time to just be in silence is crucial to my spiritual life.

I spend so much time hanging with my friends, working, cycling, and doing other things that I rob myself of some of the best intimacy with Christ that I can have, that He wants me to have. I had the time that evening to really stop my busy life and my busy mind to just think about Him, to gaze upon His greatness and His glory, to be reminded of His great sacrifice for my life, to see and know how He has pulled me from the depths of hell in times of my life, to see His unconditional grace for my sins and how my sins do hurt him. I was able to feel my heart wrench with agony over my sin and plead with him to pluck it from me, to weed the depths of my mind and heart and to heal me. I realized too that often when I can't hear Him, its only because I'm just too busy, or that I think I know better about how my life should be lived. I am a sinner, I am not worthy of nothing but death, but oh how it is so enlightening to truly feel His loving arms wrapped around me as I cry and have sorrow about my sin.

Sometime ago, I don't know that I could have even tried to feel the arms of the Lord around me, much less know that He loves me as He does, heck I still don't really understand the depth of His love for me, but I do know this and I come to believe it more and more everyday...that God loves me, that He does desire His best for me, and that His love for apparently has never changed since He first called, no..., since He first loved me because I know in my heart that He was there protecting me and taking care of me well before I felt His calling in my life. I am still discovering His love and His grace. I still struggle with sin, I still mess up, I still try to take control, I still try to reason with Him or compromise as if I know better, I still wrestle with Him over things...and I know this will continue, as my life is in a process of sanctification that Christ is working in and through me. I am thankful though, in the midst of the mess of this world, that I have Him. He picks me up after every fall, He has never left me, He has never betrayed or tricked me, He has always been the only "Truth" in my life, not that I deserved it by any means, but rather that He just is my Jesus.

Funeral Processions...

Today, we gathered to lay to rest a friend, Dewayne Wood. It was a sweet ceremony filled with memories from great friends of his and wonderful music. It was sad, but a joyous event to some degree, just as I'm sure he would have wanted it. I am doing better right now. The last couple of days have been rough and this morning was as well, but saying goodbye really helps so now healing begins.

Just a quick note about the funeral procession today. It was your typical long line of cars stretching from Oak Mt. Presbyterian Church escorted by 3 motorcycle police. Some people hate when a funeral passes because the police try to enforce oncoming and side traffic from moving while the procession goes by. Simply, its a matter of respect and I don't know if they do this everywhere, but here in the heart of the south, in the middle of the Bible Belt, most people do. Today, however, I and four others in the car I was riding in to the graveside experienced something we had never seen happen. As we were going down the road following in line, our car was almost deafening silent, which was okay, it was understandable, but then about half way to the graveside as we were passing the front yard of a home, we all seemed to notice a lady on her riding lawn mower on the right. We just passed on by, but obviously everyone in the car noticed the very same thing...she was stopped too! And then I said "Well, even lawn mowers stop." and the entire car busted out in laughter. The laugh was needed, oh how it was needed to know that life must go on, that we will make it through this and that hey, even people on lawnmowers cutting their own yard, minding their own business may take notice and actually stop to honor and respect the grieving in their time of loss. I doubt the lady we saw today will ever see this blog, but I personally want to say thank you to her, as she obviously cares not only for herself but others that she doesn't even know.

Rollercoaster of emotions...

I think that..., no, I know that my emotions are stirring right now. I am having feelings of frustration and anger, sadness and depression, some fear, and overall just some loneliness. I know that some, maybe all, of this is stemming from Dewayne being gone now. This is where the evil one steps in and attempts to use any weakness I have to attack. The evil one has tried to make me believe all kinds of crazy things today, things that are just outright not true - but it has still been difficult to just maintain and not fall into the traps. The verse in 1 Peter 5:8 does not have any more relevance that at times like right now:

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."

Goodbye to a great counselor, brother in Christ, and friend...Dewayne Wood

Sometimes I would leave his office with a sincere joy of new realization and discovery, sometimes I would leave with great sorrow and conviction over the same, but never did I leave feeling unloved or alone. Never did I doubt his own belief of the man inside me bursting to break free of the chains that so heavily weighed me down and numbed me. Never did I doubt that he really cared for me and desired for me to break free and heal from my past to be the man that God had already made me to be. His care, his compassion, his love, and his firmness were all sincere examples of Christ love for me. Dewayne Wood was my counselor, but also, he was a brother in Christ and a sincere friend. We didn't hang out or do anything outside of the counseling office, but maybe after a time, when I would be free from those chains again, I feel sure we would have hung out. Regardless, he was a friend, someone who knew my heart and knew how to read me and get through to me, and it was Christ who did this in him. God blessed this man with amazing gifts, that will have years of impact on many lives even though now he is gone. Thanks to God, Dewayne, and my men's small group, I am alive inside! Still more to work through and heal, still more to dredge up and deal with, but more than ever today I can feel my heart and Dewayne played a key role in this being able to happen.

There is and can be no replacement for Dewayne. He was a priceless individual and irreplaceable. In my sorrows now I am beginning to develop a little fear, a little anxiousness, that I don't have anyone to continue on this journey with; but then I realize that honestly I do. I have my brothers from my small group. Guys whom over the last 10 months I have come to know better, have been more honest with than ever before in my life with my struggles. Guys who don't judge me but rather love me through Christ love. I have seen tremendous growth from these guys over the last several months and with that our relationships with one another have increased all the more. Dewayne had a great impact in this happening as well, as he also counseled two of the other guys in my group on a regular basis and he has helped us all to overcome our anxieties about just being real, no matter the consequence, no matter the subject. We have all grown and Dewayne was part of that. Thank you Dewayne. For just being real, for just answering your call to your ministry, for hearing God and without wavering, followed His will for your life.

I wish everyone I know could have known Dewayne. It seemed to me that he was one that didn't know a stranger. One that could fit into any crowd and just be himself at the same time. The world is a little less complete now without Dewayne and he will be missed, by me and I know of many others. I pray now for his wife, I don't know her and I cannot imagine her pain or loneliness right now, but I know she is hurting, I know she is feeling incomplete, and I know her heart is broken. What I also know is that God is and will be her comforter, her support, her protector, her everything. I hope that all the things written, all the things said, all the stories told will be a testimony to her over her life of being married to a wonderful man of God.

So, tonight, one day and many hours after Dewayne left this world to be with our gracious father, I say goodbye to my counselor, brother and friend. I love you Dewayne and you will be missed always and never forgotten.

"Well done, good and faithful servant..."

I guess one can never really get used to a sudden death of a friend. Death in itself, spoken by the words of John Piper, is something that follows us around all of our lives. We cannot escape it, we cannot hide from it, we cannot avoid it. It just is.

I am exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, and physically. Today was a really tough day. A friend of mine, also currently my counselor, past away in his sleep last night to be found by his wife this morning not able to wake him. I can't even imagine how that felt for her. I am so deeply saddened inside for her and I don't even know her. I am sad for myself too. Dewayne, while he was my counselor, I also considered a friend. He has helped me to see so many things about myself over the last 8 months that have in effect transformed my life tremendously. Now, he is gone. Never will I have a meeting with him again. I last met with him on Tuesday afternoon this past week, and when our session was over, thanked him, and said I'll see you in two weeks, no knowing that a week later he would be gone.

I have much more inside that I will probably be writing about soon, just tired right now and I think sleep would be the best thing for this moment. I miss Dewayne. I miss his smiles and his laughs, I miss his serious look when discussing the tough stuff, I just miss him.

I know, without a doubt he is now in complete peace in Heaven with our gracious Father. He did not see this coming and no one was really prepared for it, but God knew, God knows and He will see us all through this. Dewayne Wood. A very missed dear friend. Love you bro, and I will miss our times together but I know you are in a far greater place than this earth that we still dwell upon. Good Night.

Just want to say thank you to our Lord and Savior for tonight. It was a special time tonight with our Singles group participating in a Homeless Ministry. Tonight I ended up being the one that needed to do the devotional at the event. I had asked for someone to step up earlier in the week, but got no takers. This was fine, for some reason. I normally in the past when faced with this type of responsibility would have been overwhelmed with fear and worry. Funny enough, or maybe sovereignly enough, the Lord laid on my heart yesterday morning what His will was for me to speak about. Fear and Worry.

The event started off like any other time and we hung out and talked with the homeless people who were there and enjoyed our time with them. Around 6:45 or so, I checked with one of the other leaders to find out when I would need to do the devotional. Most everyone was finished eating so we decided to go ahead and get started. Another leader, Carlissa stepped up and called attention to our devotional time and introduced me. And I was on...

I honestly don't remember much of what I said. I had written out a guide to follow and used it a little, but mostly just focused on the Word and tried to apply real life to the lesson. God showed up in a BIG way. I was so thankful!

Finished up and the night went on with a sweet time of prayer and worship.

Thank You Lord for just being there, for being by my side, for removing my own fears and speaking through me. You are faithful and I am thankful. Thank You Lord.

Good Night.

Today, being that it was June 5th, I experienced some emotions that were not new but more intense and overwhelming than I had anticipated. Honestly, I really didn't know what to anticipate for when this day would come back around, but overall, this was all a very good thing.

I can remember last year when this day came around, nothing happened. Nothing.

It was a little weird to me then that I wouldn't have experienced any type of emotions, but then I also don't think I even realized where I was at that time emotionally. For the most part, my heart to some degree was dead or numb. I had spent so much time and energy on stuffing away my emotions, my hurts, my pains, basically my heart.

Today, this was all very much different, actually completely the opposite. I looked at the date on my calendar at work and my heart sank. Then I flipped to my calendar on my computer just to be sure I was seeing things correctly and again, my heart sank, but this time with much more emotion, emotion that began to produce tears immediately. I did my best to keep my composure while I continued to think through memories that began to immediately fill my mind. It was a sad time, sad in many ways, but through it all I ended up seeing growth and progress in my own life.

Tonight, a friend of mine called, a buddy from the "Man Group" and he knew what I had been going through earlier today. I had canceled lunch with him so that I could spend time with the Lord and just let all my emotions flow. He left a message on my cell and I called him back on the way home from work tonight. We had a great talk about the day and about life in general, mainly discussing how we've seen each other grow over the past year since around October. He even shared some scripture that he had run across that reminded him of me and things in his own life, I now would like to share it here...Romans 5:2-5

"Through him we have also obtained access by faith into His grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

Wow, if that doesn't wrap it up perfectly I don't know what does. And all I can say about that is Amen.

Our suffering often gets a bad rap from us for being unnecessary and too much to handle, so often we just try to stuff it all away...thinking that it's done, it's dealt with. That stuff comes back. Whether its a few hours, a few days or a few years. It is best to deal with our sufferings upfront and openly, being honest first with ourselves and then true to ourselves by allowing the emotions to pour out. God works in that, He helps us to work through those things to dig out the sin, the infestation, the mutilated flesh, so that He can mend our wounds in a way that heals without scarring or marks. He is faithful to complete this work, but we must be open to the work at hand.

My brother-in-law once shared with me while going through some difficult times that he often becomes excited when trials and sufferings come his way. At that time I just thought, jeez, you're a little weird. And then he said that when sufferings and trials come his way, He has always seen where God has been and is at work in his own heart and life. I don't think my brother-n-law is weird, I too now become excited when trials and sufferings come my way...no its not fun or anything, and you probably would not be able to see excitement in me, but it is there. God has shown me, He has worked, He is still working. And I am grateful.

Thank You Lord for sufferings, as much as they hurt and they are hard, the transforming work that You are doing is so much more than the simple pains that come from the suffering. Thank You Lord for this day, Thank You Lord, for your unconditional love and faithfulness. Thank You Lord for Your Son, Jesus Christ!

Good Night.