Expectations...what gives me the right?

Ever have just one of those days? A day that you just get into a funk and that funk is engrossed with ridiculous expectations and even worse, lies from the evil one that cause you to question or doubt things that you know are true. Why is it that I have expectations? What good does it do me? What right do I have to have expectations? Don't get me wrong, I believe that some expectations can in fact be healthy, however there seem to be a lot more that are not.

Yesterday was this kind of day for me. I just couldn't shake it and the day pretty much spiraled downward I guess until I went to bed last night. My expectations pretty much came to a head yesterday, exposing my sin of selfishness overall but more precisely it was my sinful nature grasping to control people and things around me. It was a mess just to be honest. Not to be gross but I guess it reminded me of a big ole zit on the face...for days its coming, you really don't see it, but you can feel something working its way up beneath the skin, and then suddenly wallah, there it shines, like a bright beacon in the night for everyone to see. Then it burst!

It was all over the place, just messy and ended up being very difficult to work through and clean up. The foothold was was strong and merciless, but I kept pressing on just trying to work through it. Later last night, I went to the Lord in prayer, just confessing to Him my sin of being selfish and having unreasonable expectations. That in the process I hurt someones heart and it was never my intention to do so. I prayed that God would just weed that sin out of my body and mind. I realized that expectations can easily sneak into all facets of my life and when I least suspect it...I know I will stumble and fall, but as the Lord calls me to, I must get back up and brush the dirt off and press on knowing that God's desire was to bring this sin to light so that I could see it with clear eyes. He wasn't mad at me, He loves me and was again showing His incredible graciousness of mercy and love by revealing my sin to me so that I could lay that burden down at His cross.

There's more...this morning, I was a little hesitant about how I would feel after the wreck of the day I had caused yesterday. As I was getting ready, Christ brought to my mind some scripture that is oh so familiar, a couple of verses that I have always loved...Proverbs 3:5-6

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."

As I arrived at work, I pondered over this scripture for some time. Basically, I was not trusting in my Father, I was not just leaving the circumstances of my life up to Him and simply enjoying life as He sees fit to deliver it. I was making things hard and difficult and for what? No good reason! I further thought about the fact that He calls me to lean on His understanding - NOT mine! After this, I prayed some more in the car this before walking in. Today has been a really good day, more than I hoped for and more than I expected. (get it...expected, duh!) Regardless - I am thankful to God for showing me what He has.

...yeah, I need to update this...

Quick briefing on the previous post...it all worked out. Not really trying to keep it short and simple but it ended up being just that simple. It's amazing how often I make such a big deal out of something that will work out to be so simple. Thankfully, I know the Lord's hand was upon the situation the entire time. It has turned out all good and now on to another day.

Interesting things are happening and God is moving in big ways and I am excited to see how God plays everything out. I will share more on this a little later. Still collecting my thoughts about everything right now.

Today I am just thankful to our Father. Thankful that He goes before me in everything I do. That He prepares the way, that He guides my steps, that He surprises me when I least expect it, that He shows me His love and grace in so many ways each and every day.

when Right is Right, and Wrong is Wrong...

Sometimes in life something comes along that seems to rub you the wrong way or just has the overall sense to it that something is definitely wrong.

I am going through something like this right now. I am struggling with knowing the correct and proper way to address the situation and my sinful nature keeps nudging me to pridefully storm in and take no prisoners. The other part of me, the Holy Spirit, thankfully tells me to just chill on it for some time, so that I can ponder and wait for the Lord to speak to me about how to address it.

The interesting thing about this situation is that I want so much to just go in and take control but the issue in itself is that I am feeling like I'm being controlled by my rights and freedoms being threatened. I know you're probably thinking, "well, what is it already?" I can't really go into the detail of the situation because of the sensitive nature of the issue and not knowing who all reads this blog.

I guess whenever we feel threatened that our rights or privileges are being threatened or handled inappropriately we tend to try to grasp back that control or at least try to right the wrong that we feel is threatening us. I know that God's timing in this is perfect. I know there is much more here than meets the eye. In my past, I would have reacted impulsively, usually escalating a situation far beyond where it should have gone, but thankfully, and by God's sufficient grace I am just waiting. I don't know exactly what I'm waiting on to happen except that God will speak. I just hope that I will be silent enough to hear Him.

I have looked into all the facts surrounding the issue enough to know that the way this situation is being handled is wrong. I am just asking God how it should all be addressed now. I feel that a possible opportunity to share the love of Christ is present here and I want to seize that opportunity if that's God's will here.

Pray for me please, that I would have His patience, His love, and His grace; That I would hear or see Him moving and join Him where He is; That I would seek the wise counsel of others; That I would see any bit of pride within me so that it can be confessed and repented. I want to do what's right here, and I wait patiently for Him to guide my steps.

Brothers in Arms...

Got together with 4 other guys tonight to just sit and talk a little about life and pray together. One initiated the meeting, and others followed. Times like these with my friends, laying our hearts on the table about so many things in our lives...these are the times that are sweet. These are the times that we come together to feed from the Heavenly table that Christ so graciously gives to us. I am thankful for these times, where we can sit down face to face and just open up to one another, to just be real before the sight of God. But these times are not always smooth or go without the attack of the evil one. Satan hates this. Satan despises when men get together as like iron sharpening iron and will begin to throw whatever he can at us to throw us off or disrupt.

God is bigger. He is more powerful and always prevails. His love for us, His love for our coming together, His desire to see us being real with one another. He protects us from the evil one, day and night, He watches over us when we are at our weakest state. Tonight we got together to talk and pray - there were disruptions, there were points of attack that we could all clearly see, but we pressed on as Christ would have us to. I am thankful for these brothers in arms, my friends and most of all, God.

A special prayer...

I want to just take a few minutes to lift up a couple of my dearest friends Julie and Shannon, who are leaving on a mission trip tomorrow morning to Uganda. Going on a mission trip out of the country is something that can be a very frightening thing, something that causes us to look to our Lord in all faith, giving up all our pride and control to just let Him do what He desires to do.

Julie and Shannon - I pray now for you that God would keep you and your team safe, that He will provide comfortable and quick travel so that His work may be done. I pray that He will go before you to provide open hearts and minds, and that the people there would accept and love you with open arms. I pray that your hearts be moved by our Lord in a way like never before, to put aside any personal agenda's or plans and that you will wait and watch to see where He is at work and join Him there. I pray that souls will be won to Christ by your actions, your character, your love, and your words that Christ communicates through you. I pray that you will both look to Him the entire time you are there, that your eyes will be opened to His supreme glory and magnificents within the midst of all the poverty and malnutrition, that you would display Christ love to all those you come in contact with so that they too can experience Christ. I pray that God will put a hedge of protection around both of you, to keep you safe, to protect your minds and hearts from the evil one and to comfort you in the times of your difficulties. Just as God has provided incredibly for this entire team financially to be able to go, I know He will provide incredible opportunities that can only be created by Him. Love you both and can't wait to see y'all when you get back. God speed and God bless you both.

Amen

Silence...

...it can be frightening, intimidating, and lonely. Silence can also be enlightening, thought provoking, an opening for God to really speak to our hearts, a time that we can for once just hear His voice.

This past Sunday evening, I attending our Single's Prayer and Praise time of fellowship. I wasn't really sure what to expect at first. The typical prayer and praise I've been to in the past have always been good to some degree, but this one was special for me. I guess I don't take the time very often to think about how much I don't take time in silence to just be with the Lord. Sunday night this became very clear to me and I think if I took anything away from that time of worship and fellowship, it was that taking time to just be in silence is crucial to my spiritual life.

I spend so much time hanging with my friends, working, cycling, and doing other things that I rob myself of some of the best intimacy with Christ that I can have, that He wants me to have. I had the time that evening to really stop my busy life and my busy mind to just think about Him, to gaze upon His greatness and His glory, to be reminded of His great sacrifice for my life, to see and know how He has pulled me from the depths of hell in times of my life, to see His unconditional grace for my sins and how my sins do hurt him. I was able to feel my heart wrench with agony over my sin and plead with him to pluck it from me, to weed the depths of my mind and heart and to heal me. I realized too that often when I can't hear Him, its only because I'm just too busy, or that I think I know better about how my life should be lived. I am a sinner, I am not worthy of nothing but death, but oh how it is so enlightening to truly feel His loving arms wrapped around me as I cry and have sorrow about my sin.

Sometime ago, I don't know that I could have even tried to feel the arms of the Lord around me, much less know that He loves me as He does, heck I still don't really understand the depth of His love for me, but I do know this and I come to believe it more and more everyday...that God loves me, that He does desire His best for me, and that His love for apparently has never changed since He first called, no..., since He first loved me because I know in my heart that He was there protecting me and taking care of me well before I felt His calling in my life. I am still discovering His love and His grace. I still struggle with sin, I still mess up, I still try to take control, I still try to reason with Him or compromise as if I know better, I still wrestle with Him over things...and I know this will continue, as my life is in a process of sanctification that Christ is working in and through me. I am thankful though, in the midst of the mess of this world, that I have Him. He picks me up after every fall, He has never left me, He has never betrayed or tricked me, He has always been the only "Truth" in my life, not that I deserved it by any means, but rather that He just is my Jesus.

Funeral Processions...

Today, we gathered to lay to rest a friend, Dewayne Wood. It was a sweet ceremony filled with memories from great friends of his and wonderful music. It was sad, but a joyous event to some degree, just as I'm sure he would have wanted it. I am doing better right now. The last couple of days have been rough and this morning was as well, but saying goodbye really helps so now healing begins.

Just a quick note about the funeral procession today. It was your typical long line of cars stretching from Oak Mt. Presbyterian Church escorted by 3 motorcycle police. Some people hate when a funeral passes because the police try to enforce oncoming and side traffic from moving while the procession goes by. Simply, its a matter of respect and I don't know if they do this everywhere, but here in the heart of the south, in the middle of the Bible Belt, most people do. Today, however, I and four others in the car I was riding in to the graveside experienced something we had never seen happen. As we were going down the road following in line, our car was almost deafening silent, which was okay, it was understandable, but then about half way to the graveside as we were passing the front yard of a home, we all seemed to notice a lady on her riding lawn mower on the right. We just passed on by, but obviously everyone in the car noticed the very same thing...she was stopped too! And then I said "Well, even lawn mowers stop." and the entire car busted out in laughter. The laugh was needed, oh how it was needed to know that life must go on, that we will make it through this and that hey, even people on lawnmowers cutting their own yard, minding their own business may take notice and actually stop to honor and respect the grieving in their time of loss. I doubt the lady we saw today will ever see this blog, but I personally want to say thank you to her, as she obviously cares not only for herself but others that she doesn't even know.