Ughhhh...why can't I just get it?

I am a selfish person. I don't easily admit this, but I am. It's just a fact. Some people may never see it, but the fact remains that I tend to want to have things go my way, in my timing, and on my terms, and with people I want to be included. Therefore this makes it difficult for me at times when an email or announcement is made where there are needs expressed that in some way or another infringe on my schedule, or rather maybe, my agenda. I wonder how many others struggle with this, or even realize it’s something they struggle with at all?


I find myself convicted of this today, because of my own judgment of others in this area. I was thinking over a situation going on in my life right now where I have had to put an announcement out asking for folks to help with an assortment of task, thinking or rather “expecting” a significant or maybe overwhelming response. I was wrong.

Not wrong because the response I expected didn’t come in, but wrong to expect period. Wrong to judge others and wrong to not consider what all other things that could be playing a role in someone not responding. I am not disappointed in the lack of response, it is what it is and that can’t be helped, but I am thankful that it has helped me to see a little more about myself and my own sin; My own sin of trying to take control of a situation and not simply leave it in God’s hands to handle. It’s amazing how I continue “to go back, over and over, like a dog to it’s own vomit” to just find out that “I” can’t do it anyway, and reminded that, my Lord above always does.

Maybe one day I’ll get it. I guess for now, I’m thankful that I have a God who loves me and forgives me in spite of the stupid things I think or sometimes do; a God who carries me when times are hard and a God that moves me when I need to be moved.

Thank You Lord, for Your unconditional love.