I have an idol in my life that I did not even realize was an idol. This is not the first time that I have seen or realized this, but what I cannot get used to is just how crazy it is that I don't see it for so long and then bam, something triggers and reveals. I do thank God for that, but I honestly wish that seeing these types of idols was easier or at least that I could find them more quickly.
I'm going to put it on the table, because this is real life and I just need to be real. I don't have a college degree and when asked about where I went to college or what my degree is in, I more times than none, seem to cower down or shy away in my own little world of shame about it. Why do I do this? Because I have listened to the world and have been influenced by what others think about having a college degree. Don't misunderstand me, I think a college degree is a great thing and personally, I do want to finish college and get my degree some day, however, does this really make me any less of the man that God created me to be?
The mere fact that I have put so much importance in that status because of me not having one, has made that an idol in my own life. In the intellectual sense, I know this makes me no less of a man, but my sinful nature, that same evil voice that tells many other kinds of lies, has to some degree convinced me to believe that I am less. That is putting "college" up on a throne and sticking God down somewhere below it. I can see this so much clearer now, and I want to be prayerful and intentional about God removing it from me. I want to be free of that burden. I want to believe with all my heart that I am the man God has made me to be and that there is nothing less within me. I ask God to make me aware of that roaring lion that is often seeking to devour me in this battle and other battles of the sinful nature. Thank you Lord for just revealing this all to me; You may linger long, but I know You are never late.
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2 comments:
Brother, thank you for sharing this. Your honesty is an inspiration to me, and I see the truthfulness and humility of a man gripped by the Gospel shining through.
I really could care less whether you ever go to or finish college. If you want to, for the sola gloria deo, then go. If you want to sola gloria jason, then don't. One thing you should know, though, if you put forth all that money, time, and effort to go, and then graduate, God's not gonna love you an ounce more than he does right at this very moment. His "smile" can't get any bigger than it is at this very moment. You will not become one bit more righteous in his sight than you are at this very moment.
Now, think about it; don't wait 'til you totally believe all that, though, 'cause you won't ever totally believe all that; and go to college. . . or not!
Thanks JNoah, I appreciate that more than you know. I know that God is working on me inthis and this for me was was a step into that fear and shame so that it can finally be dealt with not on my own but out in the open. I know for the most part people accept me just as I am and by no means was I looking for a compassionate response to this, I just needed to put it out there, to bring it to light so that the gospel could shine forth. Thanks again for you kind and wise words.
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