Today, being that it was June 5th, I experienced some emotions that were not new but more intense and overwhelming than I had anticipated. Honestly, I really didn't know what to anticipate for when this day would come back around, but overall, this was all a very good thing.

I can remember last year when this day came around, nothing happened. Nothing.

It was a little weird to me then that I wouldn't have experienced any type of emotions, but then I also don't think I even realized where I was at that time emotionally. For the most part, my heart to some degree was dead or numb. I had spent so much time and energy on stuffing away my emotions, my hurts, my pains, basically my heart.

Today, this was all very much different, actually completely the opposite. I looked at the date on my calendar at work and my heart sank. Then I flipped to my calendar on my computer just to be sure I was seeing things correctly and again, my heart sank, but this time with much more emotion, emotion that began to produce tears immediately. I did my best to keep my composure while I continued to think through memories that began to immediately fill my mind. It was a sad time, sad in many ways, but through it all I ended up seeing growth and progress in my own life.

Tonight, a friend of mine called, a buddy from the "Man Group" and he knew what I had been going through earlier today. I had canceled lunch with him so that I could spend time with the Lord and just let all my emotions flow. He left a message on my cell and I called him back on the way home from work tonight. We had a great talk about the day and about life in general, mainly discussing how we've seen each other grow over the past year since around October. He even shared some scripture that he had run across that reminded him of me and things in his own life, I now would like to share it here...Romans 5:2-5

"Through him we have also obtained access by faith into His grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

Wow, if that doesn't wrap it up perfectly I don't know what does. And all I can say about that is Amen.

Our suffering often gets a bad rap from us for being unnecessary and too much to handle, so often we just try to stuff it all away...thinking that it's done, it's dealt with. That stuff comes back. Whether its a few hours, a few days or a few years. It is best to deal with our sufferings upfront and openly, being honest first with ourselves and then true to ourselves by allowing the emotions to pour out. God works in that, He helps us to work through those things to dig out the sin, the infestation, the mutilated flesh, so that He can mend our wounds in a way that heals without scarring or marks. He is faithful to complete this work, but we must be open to the work at hand.

My brother-in-law once shared with me while going through some difficult times that he often becomes excited when trials and sufferings come his way. At that time I just thought, jeez, you're a little weird. And then he said that when sufferings and trials come his way, He has always seen where God has been and is at work in his own heart and life. I don't think my brother-n-law is weird, I too now become excited when trials and sufferings come my way...no its not fun or anything, and you probably would not be able to see excitement in me, but it is there. God has shown me, He has worked, He is still working. And I am grateful.

Thank You Lord for sufferings, as much as they hurt and they are hard, the transforming work that You are doing is so much more than the simple pains that come from the suffering. Thank You Lord for this day, Thank You Lord, for your unconditional love and faithfulness. Thank You Lord for Your Son, Jesus Christ!

Good Night.