It's just a messy thing...

I am divorced. That is just a part of my life now. It is a messy thing, that no matter who I tell, no matter how many times I tell someone about it, it is just messy. I am okay with this honestly. I want people to know me for who I am, for where I came from, for what I've been through, because I want people to know me for me.

Tonight I told another person about my divorce. Coming away from these conversations I feel vulnerable and insecure, but with that, tonight I noticed that my feelings of being vulnerable and insecure were not as strong as they have been at times in the past. This is Christ at work in my heart, and I am thankful. This is me finally coming to a deeper understanding of His grace and mercy in my life, where I can tell the story of my life and know that His love for me has never changed, has never subsided, has never departed, it has only increased.

In life things come along that we don't expect, that we think we would never experience, things that basically turn our lives upside down and the only thing we think we can do to make it is to go into some type of survival mode. Then there is Grace. A place of understanding, a place of knowing that God loves unconditionally, no matter the sin we committed or the lies that we believed from the evil one. God is love, He is mercy, He is grace, but what we cannot fully comprehend is just how much of all that He really is. God heals our wounds and our hearts by us going face forward into the walls in our life, to deal with the emotions that result from our loss or devastation. He is there every step of the way to encourage, to inspire, to nurture, and to love on us, without fail, ever. We can keep trying and trying to stuff away the past, to try and find a way around that wall or maybe even over or under it, but until we dig straight through it; healing, restoration, and regeneration does not come.

Thank You Lord for the work you have done in my life. Thank You Lord for bringing me through some of the toughest things I thought pridefully that I'd never have to go through, Thank You Lord for revealing to me what grace really is and thank You Lord for the sacrifice of Your faithful Son, His ability to look beyond the agony, the stress, the humiliation, the unbearable pain of the Cross, to the Glory that was to behold for all in and through His death. Thank You Lord, for my life, but only in and through Christ!